For some reason sleep evades me. In the past, I'm the one that can fall asleep anywhere and at anytime. Not now. When you have a leg that doesn't move when your brain asks it to, getting comfortable is hard. I think fatigue is a huge factor as to why that black cloud came rolling in.
Thankfully I am not one that normally has black clouds roll in. In fact, this is probably the lowest my mental attitude has ever been. So it is unnerving to me and I decided to fight it.
I've downloaded the Bible to my iPod and as I go to sleep, I play the audio Bible. So far I've listened to the entire book of Psalms. Last night I started listening to Proverbs.
This morning as I realized the black cloud was still with me, I decided to make a thankful list. With tears streaming down my face, I made a list that started with this:
- I'm thankful I have legs that will walk normally in the future
- I'm thankful I am not paralyzed
- I'm thankful that I have made progress since the day of surgery
- I'm thankful this dependency on a walker or crutches is temporary
- and so on...
Here is the really good part. And I promise this is the truth. As I was working on that Thankful List, the doorbell rang. I was in my pajamas (yes, even at 11 am) and my hair was sticking up all over. Grabbing my crutch I hobbled to the front window to look out and a flower-delivery-truck was sitting in the driveway. Now the person at the door started pounding on the door. See, there was a blizzard today and this poor delivery person was freezing outside my house. There are nine stairs that I have to go down to get to the front door so as I started hobbling, I yelled as loud as I could "I am coming!!!"
Opening the door I could see icicles on the man's eyebrows! I apologized for taking so long with my crutches, he handed me the package and quickly ran back to his van. Somehow I got that package up the stairs with my crutch!
Inside the package was a beautiful Christmasy flower arrangement with a card from a friend. This woman knows I had surgery three weeks ago but she sent the flowers today. The card read
I hope your recovery is going well. Take your time. Merry Christmas!
Oh friends, I believe God gave that friend a little nudge this morning to send me flowers. On the day that I needed HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT the most. God has done this for me in the past and I just know He was involved in this today, too.
The black cloud has been replaced with a new desire to do my exercises and pursue complete use of the new knee I've been given. I have hope and a vision for the future.
If you have a black cloud, I'm praying for you. Praying that you will have an experience with the Loving God that I know. He loves you like crazy!
Today, I again was...So Amazed!