Black Cloud

A black cloud came rolling in last night.  Tears, frustration, and hopelessness came in that cloud.  It has been three weeks since my surgery and I've been attached to a walking device every single day.  I am unable to bend my knee without tension nor can I completely straighten it.

For some reason sleep evades me.  In the past, I'm the one that can fall asleep anywhere and at anytime.  Not now.  When you have a leg that doesn't move when your brain asks it to, getting comfortable is hard.  I think fatigue is a huge factor as to why that black cloud came rolling in.

Thankfully I am not one that normally has black clouds roll in.  In fact, this is probably the lowest my mental attitude has ever been.  So it is unnerving to me and I decided to fight it.

I've downloaded the Bible to my iPod and as I go to sleep, I play the audio Bible.  So far I've listened to the entire book of Psalms.  Last night I started listening to Proverbs.

This morning as I realized the black cloud was still with me, I decided to make a thankful list.  With tears streaming down my face, I made a list that started with this:

• I'm thankful I have legs that will walk normally in the future
• I'm thankful I am not paralyzed
• I'm thankful that I have made progress since the day of surgery
• I'm thankful this dependency on a walker or crutches is temporary
• and so on...

Once I got started on the list it was easy to keep going and list several dozen things I am thankful for.

Here is the really good part.  And I promise this is the truth.  As I was working on that Thankful List, the doorbell rang.  I was in my pajamas (yes, even at 11 am) and my hair was sticking up all over.  Grabbing my crutch I hobbled to the front window to look out and a flower-delivery-truck was sitting in the driveway.  Now the person at the door started pounding on the door.  See, there was a blizzard today and this poor delivery person was freezing outside my house.  There are nine stairs that I have to go down to get to the front door so as I started hobbling, I yelled as loud as I could "I am coming!!!"

Opening the door I could see icicles on the man's eyebrows!  I apologized for taking so long with my crutches, he handed me the package and quickly ran back to his van.  Somehow I got that package up the stairs with my crutch! 

Inside the package was a beautiful Christmasy flower arrangement with a card from a friend.  This woman knows I had surgery three weeks ago but she sent the flowers today.  The card read

I hope your recovery is going well.  Take your time.  Merry Christmas!

Oh friends, I believe God gave that friend a little nudge this morning to send me flowers.  On the day that I needed HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT the most.  God has done this for me in the past and I just know He was involved in this today, too. 

The black cloud has been replaced with a new desire to do my exercises and pursue complete use of the new knee I've been given.  I have hope and a vision for the future.

If you have a black cloud, I'm praying for you.  Praying that you will have an experience with the Loving God that I know.  He loves you like crazy!

Today, I again was...So Amazed!